Liar, Liar

I believe in the power of lies; more importantly, I believe in exploiting the unlimited power that the ability to lie bequeaths upon the human race. This belief stems back to one of the most prevailing events in my memory: when my mother first explained why one person would attempt to deceive another. You see, we were late for my doctor’s appointment, and not just the ignorable ten of fifteen minutes late either. Big time late. More than an hour late. We had made, well she had made, a ‘minor’ miscalculation as to what time we should leave our humble home. Before entering the doctor’s office, my Mom instructed me to endorse her story that we had gotten a flat tire on the way to the office, so that we wouldn’t have to reschedule my appointment. Being a toddler, I of course had to drop the infamous ‘Why?’ bomb. The explanation shocked me, and the seeds that were sewn into the fertile fields of my young, easily influenced mind on that day still guide me today.

As I grew up, I perfected the art of deception. I became one with my inner devil and imprisoned that pesky angel that once squatted upon my shoulder inside of a cardboard box. The box was then sealed with duct tape and the box opener was thrown away. Without the interference of that angel I lied about everything. When I got caught, I lied some more. I was living the good life; there were no problems that couldn’t be solved with a simple lie. Forged parent signatures, forged report cards, free field trips, not having to dress out in gym class; I could lie myself out of a hedge maze.