Lovemaking can be one of the most electrifying feelings shared between two people, yet not include an ounce of emotion at all. Sharon Olds’ “Sex Without Love” suggests that despite sex being such a passionate act, it may in fact not include any love at all between the two partners. Olds’ addresses this matter on a very personal and blunt level to the reader. She questions how some people could have such a fire with each other and be so physical yet never have any true deep or emotional feelings for the other partner. Olds’ almost seems to show admiration for how these people can be alone and not depend on one another, yet makes the reader feel cold and empty from the loneliness of each partner. Perhaps it is just a purely physical act for each person, or maybe it is the result of deep-rooted abandonment issues. For such a beautiful thing, making love can be very impersonal for some people.
Olds’ opens her poem with the main question of the poem, “How do they do it, the ones who make love / without love?” (line 1-2). This question sets the tone for the whole poem, the dual-views of awe and pity for the lovers. Olds’ follows up with expressing just how stunning the act of sex can be because lovers are “beautiful as dancers, / gliding over each other like ice-skaters / over the ice” (2-3). She is giving the reader an image to relate with of how beautiful and elegant the act lovemaking is, just so they begin to understand. However, this message could also be used as symbolism for something negative. Sex without love has the possibility of being “cold and impersonal” and nothing is much better than ice to use as a symbol for that (Leilani 1). There is also the chance that the lovemaking could be just a performance, just how ice-skaters perform on the ice, it may all just be an act for physical pleasure. In these lines, Olds seems to show the positives and negatives of lovemaking. Olds’ follows through with “fingers hooked / inside each other’s bodies” to show just how close the two partners are during sex both physically and spiritually (4-5). Olds’ sets all of this up to give the reader a good image of how pleasurable lovemaking can be between two lovers. So how could each partner possibly not love the other person or be alone in life?
Olds’ first major hint of this is when she compares the partners to “children at birth whose mothers are going / to give them away” (7-8). Looking very closely at this line, the reader can get a feeling that there may be abandonment issues in each lover’s past. It is very possible that they were abandoned as a child by their mother which could explain the result of not being able to love another person so easily, even after making love to them. Olds’ then asks the second question of the poem:
How do they come to the
come to the come to the God come to the
still waters, and not love
the one who came there with them, light
rising slowly as steam off their joined
skin? (8-13)
This question is very interesting in the poem. I find that the author repeats the words “come to the” as a way of symbolizing the climax of the lovemaking between the partners. She says “come to the God” possibly because people may say His name throughout the act, especially nearing the ending. Olds’ then uses the image of still waters to represent the moments after the climax, the moment when it is most peaceful and quiet, yet so blissful. She questions however, how each person could go through all of that pleasure, yet not love the person that helped them achieve it, as they lay there, their bodies cooling down.
After this question is posed in the poem, Olds’ proceeds to describe these types of people, instead of describing their act of sex, “These are the true religious, / the purists, the pros” (13-14). She seems to be using the term “purists” to show that the partners believe they are causing the pleasure themselves without the help of the other person, “They do not / mistake the lover for their own pleasure,” (16-17). This line reinforces the point that they do not want or need the other partner, and the sex was only for pleasure.
Olds’ begins to describe the people in a rather awe-filled tone, while at the same time using certain words and metaphors that make the reader feel the loneliness that the loveless lovers might have, “they are like great runners, they know they are alone / with the road surface, the cold, the wind, / the fit of their shoes,” (18-20). A runner is usually alone, and knows it, as Olds’ points out. The road surface, cold, and wind, are all words that make the readers feel empty and alone, like the lovers. There is nothing in their world but themselves, and “the fit of their shoes” represents that they will not have room for anybody else in their lives. In a way though, the runner running along the road with the cold, wind, and fit of their shoes could very easily be construed as a very comfortable or refreshing feeling. It all really depends on what kind of person the reader is, whether they prefer to be alone, or prefer to be in love.
There could be many different reasons why the lovers have sex with without love, whether it is the abandonment issues, for pleasure, or even physical health. When Olds’ states that “their over-all cardio- / vascular health” is a factor, I believe it could be one of the possible reasons the lover does the act of sex without having to be in love, same as a runner runs (20-21). Olds’ continues afterwards to say that everything she listed are “just factors; like the partner / in the bed” which is very bluntly and openly saying that the sex was just an act, a performance for whatever purpose the loveless lover had. Olds’ decides to end the poem with the truth of the matter, “which is the / single body alone in the universe / against its own best time” (22-24). She is describing just how alone the person is, despite having made love to another person. Using the words “single” and “universe” helps the reader to understand just how alone that person is in their own world. The phrase “against its own best time” is a reference back to the metaphor of the runner, it is used to show that the person will not be racing against anyone else’s times in a race, that they are completely alone and facing themselves.
Olds’ ends the poem bluntly and harshly but she gets her main point of the title across. She seems to almost give respect for the loveless lovers, or even be envious of how they can commit so physically yet not emotionally. Ultimately, however, Olds’ makes the reader realize that they are completely and utterly alone and will not love the other person no matter what kind of connection, even one as strong as sex, has taken place between the two of them.
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